Saturday, November 20, 2010

I need a break

... I kind of don't know where to start. I am disappointed in myself. I had lofty goals of blogging regularly and Lately I just have not had the energy to type anything out. I have so much that happens and so much that runs through my mind that I want to share ... Yet by the time I am ready to type it seems my mind draws a blank.

I maybe shouldn't be so hard on myself I've had a lot of crap thrown at me lately. I wish there was a way to say that more eloquently, but crap is crap. For the last three weeks in a row I have awakened to phone calls with tragic news. Two deaths and a very bad injury. It seems as if my family just can't catch a break. I am so frustrated because all I want to do is grieve for my husband and I can't even focus on that because my family needs me right now. They won't ask for my help but I can't just stay home when they are dealing with so much. So instead of doing my grief work I must stay numb and do what I can to help keep what I have left of a family from destruction.

I just returned home and before I can even catch my breath it's off again to see how I can be of assistance. I actually just returned from an amazing retreat with some wonderful women, widows ... soul sisters. I have been longing to write about my experience but with all the chaos swirling around me I just can't find the words yet... but I'm planning on sharing soon. I'm planning on writing more when I can catch a little bit of a break ...


  1. do not be disappointed in yourself. as you said, you have so much on your plate right now. being there for your family during this seeming run of tragedy is all you can handle. you will write, and it will be eloquent, when you can. for now, you do need to look to your yourself, to take care of yourself. there are times when i wish the soul sisters all lived in the same town, closer, and we could be there for you. i know how very alone you can feel when all the stress and strife of life feels so overwhelming. and yes, you do numb yourself to get through it or else, like me, panic eats away at you.

    you will write about your experiences at the retreat when your world settles down again. you will write of your grief and be able to see to your own grief work. you and i are a little similar in that when our husbands died, we had to hit the ground running; me to find work, you to be there with your family during this bad time.

    i keep you in my thoughts and prayers. i wish you peace. i wish for you some time to just settle in to do what it will take to help you get through the loss of Elliot. i wish we lived closer.

    ~ wNs

  2. I wish we were all in the same town too. At least we can all support each other through cyber space. I love your encouragement, it means so much... God gifted you with writing and words.